Peace, Love and C++

Howdy Ya’ll.

I hope by now you all understand that I am way past writing articles like this. This, however, is an exception. I got this email this morning. It’s worth the read.

Names have been changed. Except for mine.

Hi, Paul and <redacted>!

Paul: I hope you don’t mind my having included you on this. If you’re no longer involved in the Ubuntu Beginners Team, just reply and tell both <redacted> and me to go take a long walk off a short pier. <redacted> is a 90 year old, retired bus driver who is married to my cousin. Wait, maybe he isn’t 90 yet, but he’s close.

By the way, <redacted>, you are a “newbie”, and if you decide to dip your toe in the Linux pool, it is a good idea to identify yourself as such so that other people, who are technically advanced and who commonly referred to as “Mr. or Ms. Smartie Pants”, have an idea of how to compose any answers to your questions.

> … my computer took a “sleep” or some other “S” word. Had a worm. Is that the word I want?

A worm or a virus or a MIB (Man In the Browser) or a trojan (not THAT kind, you sick puppy) _ there are all kinds of bad guys out there. Years and years ago, most of this stuff was being done by what we called “script kiddies”. Those were 14-year-old jerks playing on their computers in their parents’ basements. They weren’t really skilled at computer stuff, but they would get these annoying programs from computer bulletin boards and just aim them at other computers just for the fun of it. As I said, they were just jerks. Today, however, it has all changed. The bad guys are highly organized, completely ruthless and very, very skilled with computers, and their aim is to steal all of your money and/or your identity. It is incredibly dangerous out there, believe me. My basic advice, which I don’t follow myself, is never shop on line or do on line banking.

> So I had it worked on and this guy told me about a thing called a Linux. That is not how you spell it, is it?

Yep, it’s called Linux, and it was built by a young Finnish fella (at least he was young at the time) by the name of Linus Torvalds. He made his very own version of a commercial operating system called “UNIX”. So, you get it? LINUX = LINUs +  uniX. Anyway, UNIX was commercial, as I said, but Linus didn’t have money to pay the industrial rates for it, so he made a version himself without ever looking at the computer code that made UNIX, only by re-inventing WHAT UNIX did, not HOW it did it. It would be kind of like some smart kid looking at a Corvette and, not knowing anything at all about HOW a Corvette works engine, brakes, steering, etc. he would build a Corvette that behaved just like the real thing. Some smart cookie, eh? Then the kid could cruise the hamburger stand and pick up chicks, but I digress. Anyway, I should back up and explain what an operating system is, right? Well, you’ve been using one all along by the name of Microsoft Windows, but there are others out there, too.

Apple Computer sells one called Mac OS X, and I already mentioned UNIX. In a nutshell, an operating system is the MOAP (Mother Of All Programs) on your computer. It’s the software that controls the hardware _ hard disk drive, video monitor, internet connection, printer, etc., etc. _ and schedules all the other programs that you run, such as your web browser, word processor, video player, etc., etc. As a side note, those of us who use Linux sometimes call it GNU/Linux, but that’s
another story altogether, and we usually don’t call the Microsoft operating system Microsoft Windows. We call it Micro$oft Windoze. That’s because we believe that Bill Gates, who started Micro$oft, and Steve Ballmer, who is the CEO of Micro$oft, are the spawn of Satan. At least, that is what I have heard.

You’ve already guessed that I use GNU/Linux, right? Now, one of the really great things about GNU/Linux is that it’s free! We make one slight distinction, though, by saying that’s it’s “free as in liberty”, not “free as in free beer”. So, if you wanted to do so, you could modify GNU/Linux however you like and make your own version of GNU/Linux and sell it for money, and some companies do that, because so many big commercial companies, like many on Wall Street, run GNU/Linux but don’t want to spend the time to hire people to take care of it, so they pay a company like RedHat or Novell for their particular version of GNU/Linux so that RedHat or Novell will take care of the operating system for the big company that buys it. The important thing, though, is that there are plenty of versions of GNU/Linux that are absolutely free, as in “free beer”, and my personal favourite and the one that I have been using myself for many years is called Ubuntu. Wait! Let me back up again and explain why there would be multiple versions of GNU/Linux instead of just one, like Micro$oft Windoze. Well, because GNU/Linux is free and because anyone can modify it however they like, different people and companies tweak GNU/Linux so that it is stronger in some areas than in others. So, one version of GNU/Linux, Gentoo, has arranged so that when it gets installed on your computer, it gets optimized for speed for your very own computer gear. Another version is called Debian, and its strength is that, although it doesn’t have the very latest and greatest versions of all of the extra software _ web browser, word processor, video player, etc. _ it is very, very stable, meaning that it almost never crashes. So, howcum I like Ubuntu? Because it is the easiest version that I have ever worked with since 1991 and is the one that I used when I was a systems administrator for the past 22 years at <redacted> University of <redacted> and convinced the entire Department of Earth Sciences to use, too. Yeah, GNU/Linux has been around for nearly twenty years! Here’s where you can take a tour of Ubuntu’s version of GNU/Linux and download an image of it to burn onto a CD or DVD.

http://www.ubuntu.com/

With the CD or DVD, I’m almost certain that you can try it out without actually installing it. If the latest version is like the ones that I’ve used in the past, you can simply insert the CD or DVD into your PC, restart the computer, and the computer will run Ubuntu right from the CD/DVD and let you try it out without actually having to install it on your hard drive. Keep in mind, though, that, since the CD/DVD player on your PC is much, much slower than your PC’s internal hard drive, running Ubuntu GNU/Linux from the CD/DVD drive will take a lot more time to fire up any particular application, such as the web browser. There’s even a local support group for Ubuntu in <redacted>, as I mentioned above, kind of like AA, I guess, except that we Ubuntu addicts have no interest in kicking our habit. Anyway, they seem to have a get together every two weeks.

So, if you can make it there to meet these young whippersnappers, just walk in and say “Hi, I’m <redacted>, and I’m a newbie.”

> He told me that it was the best to run.

I think so, too. It is also the easiest to maintain. Most
importantly, it is fun!

> Nothing can get to it. IS THAT TRUE??????.

Absolutely not! You still have to be careful, but it is very, very secure compared to Micro$oft Windoze. As Glen Zimmerman, a technology expert with the Pentagon’s cyberspace task force, once said, “… the only totally secure computer is one that is switched off, filled with concrete and dropped to the bottom of the Mariana Trench.” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mariana_Trench).

Lookie: The bad guys are businessmen, and they want to maximize their profits and minimize their efforts. (Ain’t capitalism great?) So, considering that Linux accounts for, very, very roughly, about 0% of the PC operating systems on the planet, why would a bad guy invest all that time in trying to write software to break into GNU/Linux-based computers. Think of it like this: Imagine that there are a bazillion branch banks run by a given company and that those banks don’t lock their doors or their vaults, and imagine that there is one bank that is locked up tighter than a drum in comparison. If you were Willie Sutton (sorry, Paul, you’re too young, so you’ll just have to look that one up) which banks would you go after.

Cheers,
Sender

God speed, Sender and <redacted>! This is the best cold email I have ever gotten in my life. Had me reading, that’s for sure.